The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize