I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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