i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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