Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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