she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
