her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
