i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
