When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
