I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
