I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
