i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
