I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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