My Higher Power is John Stamos
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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