you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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