No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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