I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
