They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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