I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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