I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I cannot find my penis.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
