It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
