just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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