i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
