dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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