I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
