there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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