If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
