Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
