i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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