I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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