I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ugly people sure do ruin things
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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