this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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