five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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