He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
