But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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