you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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