It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
