Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
