I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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