I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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