I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
