Are we in a gay sports bar?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
