I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you inspire me to be a worse person
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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