I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
