Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
