i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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