I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
