Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
