Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
