I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
