If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize