Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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