4 words: hood of his car
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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