I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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