Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
