You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
