people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
