I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
