So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
