forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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