yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
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It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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