Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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