she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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