I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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