she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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