I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
