Hey man sorry I got all grabby
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
