The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
