I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
