my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
