I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize