that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
