is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
