Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
