I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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