just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
