found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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