hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
