Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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